Overcoming Project Paralysis

Every morning I walk my sweet lab, Millie. While my coffee brews, I pull on thick socks and lace up my snow boots. It’s winter here, and Mother Nature doesn’t mess around in this part of the country. It’s cold–sometimes bitterly cold, other times damp cold. In February, it is often frigid. Since I moved north, I have acquired many new words to describe the weather regardless of the season.

Largely unaffected by the plunging temps, Millie sets out at a lively pace. Coffee tumbler in hand, I pull the zipper on my long coat up a little higher and pull my knitted hat down to meet the edge of my fleece neck gaiter. Millie earnestly sniffs the ground doing what Andy and I refer to as “reading the pee-mail,” and I get lost in thought. Truthfully, I am thinking about so many of you and the messages and emails I receive. After eight years of blogging and hosting True Tales From Old Houses, my favorite part is still hearing from readers and listeners and interacting on social media.

A common thread weaves through those messages, and now that I have started offering virtual help sessions for old house owners, that thread is practically in knots. The people who write to me often want to know how to move past project paralysis. They are afraid to get started for fear of doing something wrong. Even worse, they feel pressure from the old house community to do things “the right way.”

While I would never suggest barreling into a project without some due diligence, a certain amount of confidence and bravery is necessary. So, let’s talk about a few things that might be holding you back.

You’re going to make mistakes. Own them and move on.

Oh, my perfectionist friends. I see you. It takes one to know one. You’re not obsessive. You’re detail-oriented. I get it. That exceptional trait likely serves you well as an old house steward. Your to-do lists have to-do lists, and you spot problems before they even occur.

Planning and research may be your favorite pastimes, but action is required.

I know you like to be perfect do things right the first time, but guess what? It’s probably not going to happen. You have to start at the beginning just like everyone else. Grace and the ability to course-correct when things go awry are the best gifts you can give to yourself. It is not a failure to do something poorly because of a lack of experience. It simply takes extra time and work to redo it well.

Sometimes, we make mistakes without realizing them. Although it doesn’t feel good to get called out on the internet, not everyone who disagrees with you is a troll. If you make a judgment error, learn from it. Building science is real and product compatibility is real too.

Products and processes are the most important. Perfection comes with practice and time.

Jump in, make mistakes, and be humble when you’re wrong. Then, repeat that over and over until you die with a paintbrush in your hand.

Sometimes the smartest person in the room isn’t really that smart. He just thinks he is.

While it is good to begin with a humble heart, as you gain experience, give yourself proper credit.

When we had the chimney rebuilt here in 2019, I shared the project online with an old house group. They are a highly intelligent bunch known for careful research and meticulous old house projects. One gentleman, who had re-roofed his own house and rebuilt a chimney, quickly responded, “The flashing is wrong.” Naturally, I did what many people, especially women, have been programmed to do, I second-guessed myself and the chimney work too. Fortunately, my unwarranted deference only lasted about a minute before I came to my senses.

This man, who had undoubtedly researched the topic of roofing and chimney repair to death had also only completed such a project one time. Meanwhile, the mason I hired had been in business for about forty years, working in a town with nearly 90% old house inventory. The mason spent two full workdays meticulously building the cricket and carefully installing the flashing with the new brick. Our chimney is a work of art–a functional, long-lasting work of art. If that mason had a history of sub-standard work, believe you me, I would have heard about it or seen evidence of his shoddy workmanship all over town. #smalltownlife. I feel confident that he used high-quality products and made experience-based decisions for BHH.

So, before you defer to someone on the internet, take a pause. You’re not necessarily wrong just because someone in the old house community says that you are. There can be many ways to achieve the same outcome.

This isn’t algebra. You don’t have to show your work (or defend your method).

If you complete a project, but you don’t share it on the internet, did it even happen? Yes! We all know that, but sometimes we need to hear it again. It is perfectly acceptable to make mistakes and learn as you go without the spotlight of the internet shining upon you. If you’re not pleased with something you did, you don’t owe anyone an update.

Alternately, it is appropriate to do stellar work and not teach other people how to achieve the same outcome.

If you decide to share, you don’t have to defend your position or explain how you got from point A to point B unless you genuinely want some advice and guidance, or you want to help someone else.

A few months ago, I shared a video of me using a tool in a safe but nontraditional way, and I explained that I was using a very light hand with it and why that was important. I got a message from a pro who said that I was making him nervous because I could damage the wood by using the tool that way. I explained that I used the tool that way often and through experience, I understood how aggressively I could maneuver it without causing damage. He answered, “Oh yeah, I use it that way all the time, but I was biting my fingernails watching you do it.”

I don’t use many swearwords, but what the hell?

It’s ok for him to use the tool like that because he’s a pro, but for me, it was irresponsible?

No. Just no.

Pros can help, and they are offering insight for free.

Now that I wrote that last section, let me make myself clearer. I have learned so much over the years from attending workshops, reading books, and watching the pros do quality work. I am who I am because I have had great teachers, and I listened to them.

Over on Facebook, I belong to a large group of old house owners. There are hundreds of pros in the group offering incredible insight for free every single day. Out of the goodness of their hearts, they are explaining how to waterproof basements, repair plaster, restore windows, and so much more.

They offer this info up against an avalanche of poor advice–Use caulk in place of glazing putty. Go ahead and pressure wash that siding. It’s the only way you’ll get it clean. Paint that old brick. You’re the one who pays the mortgage. Those tireless pros are truly doing the Lord’s work.

So, I highly recommend watching the pros and listening to them, BUT, and this is important, you may have to adapt their advice for your DIY purpose. Pay close attention to their process. They may be doing things a certain way because it is more cost-effective from a labor standpoint. As a DIYer, you may not have the same requirements. It is easy to become overwhelmed when watching a pro. So, try to break their process down into stages, and make adaptations as necessary.

Just because you don’t know the correct vocabulary, doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of achieving a quality outcome.

Did you know that when you put a plant on the windowsill, you are probably really putting it on the stool? You may not have known that, yet your plant is still happily sitting there, soaking up sunlight and growing well.

When it comes to old houses, there is a lot of vocabulary. Spending time learning the terms is super helpful when you’re trying to Google products or explain to someone what you are trying to repair. However, when it comes to making the actual repair, you can call everything whatever you like and still do it right.

Try not to get too mired in the details. The terminology will come with experience. You’ll naturally start to incorporate the proper vocabulary into your descriptions and work. If not, it’s ok if you have to describe something as “that metal thing” or “the wooden piece on the side.” You are still moving forward as you learn.

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Project paralysis is real and it’s frustrating. I hope that you’ll be able to take these thoughts to heart today.

In the words of one of my favorite book characters, Miss Frizzle, “Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!”

The fact that you care so much about doing things the right way (We’ll have to talk about what that means another time.) shows that you are exactly who your old house needs right now.

If you have any questions or thoughts about this article, please let me know in the comments.

Travel to Scotland and Northern Ireland (and Dublin!) with me July 12-22, 2022. Find out more: https://www.holidayvacations.com/media-tours/scotland-northern-ireland-stacy/