Instead of bikes hanging on the wall, the living room is now characterised by kid's toys. For Shimano Gravel Alliance rider Erwin Sikkens, life changed the day he bumped into his smiling girlfriend, holding a positive pregnancy test in her hand. They say the rest is history, but what have the first 12 months actually been like?​​​​​​​

Having a kid was never that important to me. Years came and went where friends had their first, second and sometimes even third kid. I on the other hand was just moving along, intentionally enjoying my eternal youth. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike kids, it’s just that I didn’t want to sacrifice something much more important for me at the time: myself. That might sound a bit egocentric, but I had spent years looking for who I really am and what made me truly happy in life. Having finally found that person in the last couple of years, I was not willing to give him up so easily, not even for something as important as having a kid in your life. 

Over the years I've made a living out of working in the cycling industry, going abroad on a regular basis, riding my bicycle in the most beautiful of places, shooting images and telling stories. All things that I still loved doing. With the years though, the wish to become a father grew stronger. Seeing cycling friends close to me becoming parents slowly helped me change my point of view. Rather than disappearing into thin air, becoming family people and never riding their bikes again, they’d found a way of combining life with kids with their life on the bike. 

Then, in November 2022, my daughter Nora was born and I joined their ranks as a dad.

Ultra-cycling

Before becoming a father, the hardest thing I had ever done was attempting to finish the Atlas Mountain Race, an ultra-cycling event in the Moroccan Atlas mountains. Both physically and mentally it was exhausting, and I ended up scratching – ultra speak for not finishing – after only three days. 

The hardest thing about ultra-cycling, I learned, was the lack of sleep. The distances you have to cover in these races are so immense that it's not so much about riding fast as it is about time spent moving. The less you stop, the more you move, the quicker you finish. The balance between riding your bike and fighting sleep deprivation, often combined with a lack of proper food, is what makes these types of races so hard. 

Imagine riding your bike until one o’clock in the morning, sleeping for a couple of hours, then getting back on your bike by five in the morning. It sounds almost impossible, but it’s nothing compared to what I – and probably every parent out there – went through during those first couple of months as a parent. The first couple of nights with Nora in our lives, waking up every three hours or so to feed the little one, were doable. You’re functioning on a mix of adrenaline and auto-pilot, just like in an ultra. However, as days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months, the lack of sleep builds itself up to levels I had never encountered before. Anyone who has ever had trouble sleeping will be able to testify how important sleep is. Most of us take it for granted, but it’s a crucial part of our physical and mental well-being. Sport and exercise, however, are equally important. 

Within two weeks after Nora was born, the walls of our home started closing in on me and I had to get outside. On little-to-no energy, I joined a local gravel event called WTSHNN - short for Where The Streets Have No Name. Riding at the event that day reminded me of my days in the Moroccan desert. I was riding my bike and enjoying myself, but I was definitely doing it on emergency power. 

I felt all the things that we feel when we get on our bike - the flow of energy, sense of freedom and the camaraderie of a gravel event. It pumped me full of energy that I hadn’t felt for weeks. As a result of this, I tried to be out on my bike, riding short local loops, moving forward at least once a week. It wasn’t much, but I was riding my first kilometres as a gravel dad.

Taking turns

One of the many clichés you’ll hear about parenting is that it’s like gaining an extra full-time job. I think there’s truth in that. Having a kid, especially in those first months, is life-invading. You’re constantly worrying or on the lookout, running tasks, getting her back to sleep, waking up at weird hours in the night etc. The worst thing is how you have to combine it all with your normal life: your job, friends, hobbies, sport, taking care of the house, buying groceries, etc. You can’t do it all and despite the constant compromises, you’re exhausted. 

The biggest change I felt was the fact that you’re never truly free anymore - someone always has to watch little Nora. It may sound logical, but it riddled me with guilt each time I got on my bike, knowing Carly was home, not riding her bike or doing her own thing. This emotion took some getting used to and it needed a number of deep conversations with my girlfriend before I could get on my bike guilt-free again. 

One of the things that has always connected me to Carly is our mutual love for cycling. However, riding together now got really hard. The obvious solution, which is still how we’re operating, was to take turns. Sometimes I go on a morning ride with a friend, only to do a changing of the guards-like ceremony at home, waving Carly off on her afternoon ride. We found all kinds of tricks to keep doing what we love to do. For instance, our home trainer soon found its way into our living room, so we could both watch cycling races on television, while still exercising when the baby was asleep or play with her in the same room when she was awake.

What also helped was the fact that Carly has a big heart - she knows how important gravel riding and bikepacking are to me. So, when the opportunity arose to join my friend Bram for an overnighter in a nearby forest when Nora was still quite young, she was immediately supportive. The same goes for the time when I went on a bikepacking weekender in the German Sauerland forest. Things like bikepacking, which had once been so straightforward, had now become part of a new at-home culture of having to discuss everything beforehand. 

Partially because of this, I’ve developed an even bigger appreciation each time I ride, whether it’s one day or several.  

Gravel Events

Soon after becoming parents, we realised we didn’t want to change our lives – not just for ourselves, but for our new-born. After all, we loved ourselves for who we were before she was born, so wouldn’t it be crazy if we were to pivot on our own personalities? I think the best thing you can offer while raising a child is being happy with your own life. And us being happy with our own lives involves cycling. 

I had always disliked people who changed who they are the moment they became parents and I was not willing to do that to me, Carly, or Nora. 

After a long sleepless winter, spring came around the corner and the classic cycling season kicked off and with it many gravel events. For Carly and I, who had always loved joining these gravel parties, we were ready to jump in – albeit in a slightly different format to before. 

This time around, we’d try to take Nora with us on gravel weekenders. It began in April with a visit to the LtD GravelFest, staying in a hotel close to the event. Two months later, we travelled to the This Is Graveller event, where we stayed with little Nora in a borrowed camper van. During the daytime, we took turns riding our bikes and in the evening we split the parenting as best as possible. A big pair of kiddy headphones and a baby carrier meant that Nora could even come to the afterparties. What had been so commonplace before, now felt like a big victory.

Holidays 

Holidays are another prime case of taking turns. In May 2022, I had the opportunity to ride Shimano’s back-then top-secret 12-speed GRX groupset during a bikepacking trip in Andalusia, Spain. For ten days I was away from home, leaving Carly with the baby, while I was enjoying myself in some of Europe’s most beautiful and remote landscapes. 

Later that summer during our family holiday in the UK, I made amends. Normally I would have ridden my bike for at least fifty percent of the time, but now I found pleasure and happiness in spending time off-bike, visiting ancient towns and castles with Carly and Nora. I naturally found time for a couple of rides, just two days, but I was fine with that. The latter underlines for me that over time, I had grown to love Nora more and more, especially as she was growing up, month by month. That little baby was quickly turning into a tiny person who recognised me. She was starting to stand, to babble, to point her fingers at random stuff and to joke around playing hide and seek. 

Something was happening that I had not foreseen - Nora had grown to be as important to me as cycling is and I was not nearly as sorrowful about losing saddle-time as I had expected. However, this didn’t mean that I was done cycling. Just two months after visiting the UK with my family, I returned on a solo bikepacking trip to the Yorkshire Dales to participate in the Three Peaks Cyclo Cross event. I think it shows that when something is truly important to you, you’ll find the time. But it’s not possible without a partner that supports you. 

So, you’re probably now wondering: what about Carly? Where’s she in all of this, rather than just being a support person? Luckily, she also took her turns. Shortly after I came back from the UK, she went to Morocco for a surfing trip, leaving me with Nora. On one occasion, my parents did some babysitting while I went out for a quick ride. I’m comforted knowing Carly will soon be going on a city trip with a good friend. We’re getting good at taking turns, even lengthy holiday-type ones. 

 Back together

As the year progressed, Nora hasn’t been the only one to grow – the whole family has. Things that had stressed us in the very beginning no longer bother us. We’ve even started to get used to the (occasional) lack of sleep. We’re more relaxed and flexible with plans, be it Carly doing some trail running one day, or me cycling a local loop with a good friend the next. What was missing for a long time was us riding together. We’d always loved party-pacing our gravel bikes as a couple, but for most of this first year as parents, we had only ridden together twice.

After eleven months of Nora, we got our long-desired bicycle trailer – a special off-road one that’s capable of being used on pretty gnarly gravel – and things changed. We’d done a successful test ride to a local pancake restaurant and knew which model to buy. Later that month, we visited the island of Ameland in the north of the Netherlands for Nora’s first birthday. The trailer came with us and we did multiple rides as a couple, or, as a family, I should say. 

Looking ahead, I can see us doing this more and more. In the year that has passed, we’ve found a way to combine parenting with riding our bikes. First apart, now, more and more often, together again. I may ride shorter distances than before, but I see it as quality over quantity. 

If I need to scratch my gravel-itch, I know that I can, because I’m lucky enough to have a lovely woman like Carly by my side. We’re already looking at getting ourselves a second bicycle trailer for luggage, so you may well see us on family bikepacking trips in the upcoming year. 

But aside from the riding, what’s really struck me most over the past year is the discovery of a new passion and love in my life, which, however clichéd, is that of being a father. 

Combining this new love for Nora with my love for cycling is, without any doubt, the biggest reward of all.