Welcome to Fidgets and Fries. Somewhat free. Somewhat not. If you’d like to honor my writings with a monetary contribution, thank you. If you already have, thank you. Your support allows me to invest in my writing in a way I hadn’t thought possible as well as pay for my son’s communication lessons. And if you are still an unpaid subscriber, thank you. Cause in a world where everyone wants their eyes on their work, you still chose to put your gaze on mine. This newsletter rests at the intersection of the unserious ramblings of a woman full of buttered rice and dad jokes and the somewhat sophisticated stories and essays of someone who knows just enough “smart” words to sound super intelligent and insightful.
What will today’s newsletter be? Hmm…
This book tour/signing/speaking gig I am on for the next two weeks has me thinking about how far I have come, and how far this community (and world) has to go. I am not just doing signings and readings. I am doing presentations on race as it intersects with disability, the importance of acknowledging Black Nonspeakers alongside their unique needs, and healing the divide between Autistic adults and Autism parents.
In preparation for these talks, I remembered why I started this work in the first place. And I also remembered that the frustration, anger, and trauma that led me here, is still here.
It's still here.
I am still struggling to get people to understand how their advocacy must include all, still struggling to get people to understand how their lives differ from one another and to be mindful of that.
I have had people come to me after each event, no matter if it was a signing or a professional event, with water welling in their eyes. They claim to know the cost if we don't do better. They claim to know what world we live in. And for many, they claimed to know they were part of the problem.
What will they do with those tears, I wonder? What will they make of the cries they leave behind? Will our lives be made better for it? Or do they simply want me to hold their tears?
My family got to witness me share all the things I have shared that have caused me to lose the most sleep. They have got to see beyond the shares I offer of them that they know about. They got to see my worries, my fears, my anxieties, my own tears. And they finally knew what it was that I do. That they finally got to see the work that I have been putting in for years.
I wonder what they will think of me. This is something I will ask when we return.
I thought about the times in which someone was so upset because I wrote a book that highlighted the life I share with my son because my son didn't pen it himself. The claims that I told a story not his own was insulting to me as his mama and the shared experience we have because of that relationship. Disability doesn't occur in isolation. Its impact isn't just felt by the person living it, it is felt by those around them. It is whole-body experience, but it is a whole-family one as well.
In one of my presentations, I asked the question: what do y'all do when you move to a new area? You set up your utilities, you set up your mail, check out the schools, enroll your children, get to know your neighbors, etc. We do the same except, we must prepare our children for the unfamiliarity of the move. We have to disclose our children’s diagnoses to our neighbors and come back to a community that will tell you that you’re a bad parent for doing that. But they have to know that my children will do things they do not understand, and it should not be looked at as criminal enough to warrant calls to law enforcement. We have to visit our police station to talk to them about our children. Set up phone calls with them. Share images with them. Make our children human to them. So, that if there comes a day, we have to face them, they might be understanding enough to not draw their firearm on them. Again.
Is this something they do when they move?
How can I not be impacted by my son's disability in such a way that it alters how I behave? How I think? How I move? How I feel? How is our story not OUR story?
They lack the knowledge of what it is to parent appropriately. And never will I let another cause me to doubt the penning of my life as it tangles with my son's.
Who the fuck are they?
All the words I shared in these talks brought up new feelings about how we advocate, especially in an online capacity. I thought about how much of it actually isn't all that good. I thought back to how little the majority of online activists do in real life. And I thought back to how much that angers me. Without getting into what I ultimately wrote an entire e-book on, I do find the value of social media. I think we are relying on it to do far more than it should when it comes to our actual offline lives.
I do have plans to share these presentations with this community soon. I put some work into them, and I feel as though they would make for good resources, especially for those serious about meaningful and tangible change for all. You trying to tear shit down and build back better? Then you in the right place.
I won't keep y'all too much longer, I have an "off day" that I am going to spend with the Hammily. Thank you for being patient with me as I plan and go on this trip. I have been putting off getting new content up here for some time and I apologize.
This hasn't been a trip of reflection only; I have been thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to travel with my family. This is something I never thought I would be able to do. And this work has afforded me the means to be able to do this for my family.
And I love that for us.
if you would like to know more about my public stops this go-round: adaywithnowords.com
Next up: I will be at Octavia’s Bookshelf in Pasadena, CA on the 29th at 11am.
So powerful, as always. Thank you for this. And what a blessing for your family to get to see your work up close in this way!
Every time I read your words, I learn. Mostly, I learn just how much I don't know. How much privilege I truly have and have completely taken for granted. I'm ashamed that I didn't know that sooner. I'm grateful for knowing now. And I definitely need to educate myself on what to do with the knowledge. Thank you so much for what you do. 💜💜💜💜💜💜