Founder, Writer, Social Entrepreneur, Creative Ops, Biz Dev, and Content Strategy Consultant, working to achieve gender parity+ inclusion one business at a time.
🔥HOT TIP: Everyone has different amounts of energy. Simply pushing a little harder is not always possible. Many of us burn hot like a sparkler and then we are out for the count (burnout or worse). Spoon theory is typically used to explain the finite energy of those of us with chronic illness, invisible disabilities, or neurodivergent. With a limited supply of "spoons" our "choices" are not often up to us. (I saw another post about choice which was so timely because I've been reading/writing about "Deep Work" + Spoon theory. One psychologist likened choosing to focus like choosing to live with or treat a chronic illness or do treatment…WTAF. My brain broke. (See the bad take in comments.) Cognitive impairments, emotional challenges, and physical limitations are hard enough. Placing blame on the person who is disabled by their environment, capitalism, and others' expectations is wrong. If you have someone in your life–a partner, spouse, colleague, child, parent, friend, employee, manager–who is not "pulling their weight" and you feel overwhelmed, resentful or jealous; their life seems easier...TRUST that it is NOT. No one chooses to slow down, to be in pain. Unless they are forced to or realize it is healthier for them, capitalism has us DOING. Slowing down because you can't keep up is hard enough. Feeling the glare when you leave a meeting early, call in sick again, are late, are unpredictable, or fail to communicate plain sucks. Don't do it. Don't glare. Give GRACE. Support. Don't assume that someone has ill will because they are not showing up for you the way YOU need. Maybe they have the will, but not the way. Here's why: Maybe they feel like they were run over by a truck or haven't slept in a year. Maybe there head feels like knives and they simply MUST be horizontal. Spoon theory: decide what to do with each spoon, when you have 50%. Picking spoons is like Sophie's choice; while not as life or death, just as emotional or hard. If we didn't have to DO all the time, and people didn't expect everyone to DO at ridiculous amounts, would we be as harmed? Would we struggle so much? What if we lived in a world that encouraged rest, rest, rest. That rewarded it with, do you need more rest? What if being sick, disabled, or ND wasn't a "failure" or deficit, a problem to fix, medicate, eliminate. What if it is just a different state of being. What if we ALL tried to make everyone's lives easier, more comfortable, less friction, less attacking and stress, less expectations that don't serve them and more grace for all they do in a day? What if we accept regardless of how we exits, we are worthy of kavod. (Dignity, honor, respect)? The choice is actually yours. In how you treat others, the assumptions you make, checking your bias. Choose compassion over judgment. Have more energy to do more? Be grateful you are fully healthy, able bodied, and rtg. Choose gratitude > guilt. Replace the resentment with kindness and support. Choose GRACE. 10/10
SPOON THEORY: Image white background with blue and green icons and spoons with explanation of spoon theory. Check it out more from the creator here: https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/
This was the bad take from this very long and interesting article. Accessibility note: Image is white background with black type. And "NOPE" in red on the bottom. Copy: "Just as someone might reasonably choose to live with a chronic illness rather than opt for a costly experimental cure, so you might reasonably choose to live with some residual learned helplessness or self-loathing rather than go through the costly process of reengineering your psychology. This may be a perfectly valid choice, so long as you recognize that it is a choice, and that there are real tradeoffs involved." UM NOPE!!!! WTAF? Perfectly valid choice? I hate this crap. I really liked a lot of this VERY long form article but it left a lot to be desired. I totally reject the idea that as an oppressed person or person who is harmed I need to get over victim mindset...when the system further harms. Opt for a costly experimental cure? What if you're broke? Give me a break. I guess I am not seeking radical self-betterment? (JK I always am, but not this lens!) https://every.to/p/in-defense-of-radical-self-betterment
Cassandra M.
1y
Thank you for saying it. So many of the things I thought were defects or signs of lack were actually just functions of being Neurodivergent, both the kind some are born with, and the kind all that are pick up because of the fact that the entire world is set up to accommodate what is typical and vigorously punish everything that isn't. If you build a society around the ideas of radical individualism and operant conditioning so that a small number of folks can own everything and have ultimate power over everyone else it leads to complete and total social collapse. How could it not? I'd like everyone reading this that thinks they don't have to care because they aren't disabled, or disabled people are faking, or lazy or whatever anti-social nonsense you've been taught to consider that your current able-bodied status is only temporary. Just like everyone else's and if you think it won't happen to you when you eventually become disabled then I suggest you prepare yourself for quite a ride later in life.
Yes, all the time. When I was diagnosed with ADHD & we were talking about meds, my wonderful doctor told me that 50 years ago it wouldn’t even be an issue, that because of the way the world is now, we have this culture where some of us just can’t physically keep up, why we’re expected to to be considered “successful” or “normal”.
Shiva Roofeh
1y
Thaaaaaank yooooouuu Emily O. Weltman, M. Ed.! All of this. And personally feeling this today. Woke up exhausted. Sat down to work. 45 min later got up and went straight to bed. My brain couldn't hold on to any structure or make sense of my calendar and tasks. I woke up with enough spoons to feed, water and wash myself. Nothing else. And your share above helped me be ok with that.
Lori Samuels
1y
I want to live in this world ^
Nathan Chung
1y
Awesome post
Samantha Lee
1y
Hmmm. My immune system 😒
KT Sloan
1y
Thank you for this. I live with MS and energy conservation is a full-time job. 🧡
Founder, Writer, Social Entrepreneur, Creative Ops, Biz Dev, and Content Strategy Consultant, working to achieve gender parity+ inclusion one business at a time.
1yAnd here is a video explaining a bit about one of the ways you can support people with ADHD but this applies to any chronic illness or disease. https://youtu.be/_GZx65d_HsI