What's the secret to raising "very high-achieving children"?
That question, posed in a viral post on Mumsnet, has led to debate among users of the U.K.-based online forum. In one shared message, user Starbrightmoonlight wrote: "Is it [attending] private school? Cultural capital? Lots of travel? High expectations? Kids expected to work hard at school, parents setting extra work at home? Is money & extracurriculars a factor?"
In a later post, the user clarified: "By high achieving I mean top sets, being an all round student, speaking multiple languages, playing an instrument & on track to get into a... University."
Starbrightmoonlight went on: "The most high achieving families I know have children attending private school, travel loads, bring the dc [dear child] to galleries, exhibitions, theatre etc, kids excel in extracurriculars & parents [are] very invested in 'expanding' the curriculum themselves... Any thoughts?"
What Is a High Achiever?
Ross Szabo, the founder/wellness director at the Geffen Academy at UCLA and CEO of Human Power Project, a mental health education group, told Newsweek: "In today's world, being a high achiever can either refer to a student with exceptional grades and a college résumé or a young person who is an entrepreneur"—someone who has "carved a path" for themselves that won't require a college education for them to be successful.
"Sometimes being a high achiever can be all three of these things," Szabo said.
Should Parents Push Kids to Be High Achievers?
Szabo, who is the author of several mental health books, said parents should encourage children to "be passionate about things that are meaningful to them," provide examples of those who are successful and "model some of the attributes that got people to that point."
He said, "Ultimately, students need intrinsic motivation to become high achieving, and it's not easy to give someone intrinsic motivation."
Among the key elements of a child's upbringing that can help them become high achievers, he said, are the following:
- Access to opportunities that align with their passions
- Reinforcing the reward they feel when they accomplish something
- Encouraging persistence
- Exposure to successful people who can teach them more and an environment that allows them to explore
Szabo said: "You don't have to come from a high socioeconomic status to be a high achiever. You do need to have these elements...and a higher socioeconomic status can definitely help with those aspects."
Studies have highlighted the importance of a child's educational environment and setting in fostering their developmental success.
A 20-year longitudinal Australian study, published in 2006 in the Journal for the Education of the Gifted, found "significant differences" in young people's "educational status and direction, life satisfaction, social relationships, and self-esteem as a function of the degree of academic acceleration their schools permitted them in childhood and adolescence."
The study also said that in both Australia and the U.S., schools usually "delay acceleration and ability grouping" until the middle of elementary school, a policy that is "fundamentally flawed."
According to the study, schools should be identifying "exceptionally and profoundly" gifted children during the early years of schooling to "provide a more effective response to their accelerated intellectual and emotional development."
"The earlier exceptionally and profoundly gifted children are placed in a setting that is deliberately structured to allow them access to children at similar stages of cognitive and affective development, the greater will be their capacity to form sound friendships in their later childhood, adolescent, and adult years," the study said.
How to Identify High-Achieving Children
Below are some signs that your child is a "future superstar" and ways to tell if someone has the "it" factor and "will be going places that few have gone before," according to life coach and author Marni Goldman, who has worked regularly in casting for the television and film industry.
Commanding Presence
When certain people walk into a room, they seem to exude an "invisible aura" that simply "commands attention from everyone else," Goldman told Newsweek.
"A distinct presence cannot be learned or developed—certain people just have it. Individuals like this are almost always bound to make a significant impact in their personal or professional life," she said.
Early Critical Thinking
"If you have a child that is pulling an unusual amount of information—far more than you have provided—into their decision-making process, there's a good chance they're going to be successful," Goldman said.
"Critical thinking is a multilayered exercise that often needs to be nurtured and developed over several years. Children who have it are rare, compounding with the fact that they also are resisting societal pressure to conform to a simplistic way of thinking," she said.
High Empathy
Kids are taught to be kind to others, but some have an "unusual amount of empathy" and show signs of "heightened sensitivity," Goldman said.
"This is an indication of strong emotional intelligence. Being able to view the world through the eyes of another and connect with them is a staple mark of a successful leader," she said.
Asking Questions
When a child constantly asks constructive questions, "you are witnessing a mind that is willing to grow and evolve."
"In casting, I saw many actors peak at a certain type of role, never willing to push outside their boundaries. Children and teens who exhibit a renewable curiosity are [on] the path to the greenest pastures," Goldman said.
Several Mumsnet users in the post chimed in with various views on what makes a child a high achiever.
User NellBeau said, "Ultimately, I believe it's intrinsic motivation," while AthenaPopodopolous wrote: "A natural hunger for success and status in the child. Sometimes if they come from a disadvantaged household, they succeed [inspired by this, as] the child feels envy and becomes driven and aspirational."
Plumbear2 said, "I think it's just natural for some kids," adding, "I have a high achieving child and several normal achieving. I don't do anything different. They go to mainstream school, have the same opportunities."
User Notanotherusername4321 said the secret to high-achieving kids is simply "money," while CornishGem1975 said, "Pressure from the parents, and yes, usually the ones with money..."
However, user Allsnotwell said: "I disagree with money. You have to invest time and energy into children and give them self belief and allow them to ask questions and speak to them like you would any adult with respect and explanations...
"They are sponges when young and want to learn and you need to be positive about teaching them and letting them explore. Paints, play doh reading cooking get them involved. And hang the mess — they need this time to explore," Allsnotwell said.
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the Mumsnet post.
Do you have a similar burning question? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured in Newsweek.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
About the writer
Soo Kim is a Newsweek reporter based in London, U.K. She covers various lifestyle stories, specializing in travel and health.
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