BFFs: Fact or Fiction?
We all know what BFFs are. Whether you absorbed the idea from childhood movies or playground conversations, the mark of ‘best friend forever’ is a treasured one for many.
A ‘best friend’ is your closest pal, a confidante who knows everything about you, and vice versa. They’re your go-to for advice or a shoulder to cry on. Maybe you can picture them as the maid-of-honour/best man at your wedding.
Or maybe the term is something that holds painful memories of friendships that didn’t work out, or an experience you feel you missed out on altogether.
Whatever your relationship to the term ‘best friend’ is, there’s no denying that the concept gets more complicated as we get older. Childhood BFFs are all well and good, but as we grow - are they still healthy or sustainable? Is it helpful to assign this label to one friend in particular, especially when you’re both navigating the changes that young adulthood brings? We’ve got some thoughts - read on to discover more in this edition of Real Talk!
Myth 1: You’re only allowed to have one BFF
We think:
You can have multiple "best" friends!
It’s rare to find one other person who gets you completely, and that’s okay. People are multifaceted, and it’s totally normal to have a few close friends who fit into different parts of your life. There may be friends in your life that you are more comfortable going to with certain problems. Different friends may be more available in different seasons. Whatever the case, you’re allowed to rely on and have close relationships with multiple friends instead of confining yourself to one bestie.
Myth 2: BFFs are Forever
We think:
As we get older, we grow into ourselves. This can mean many changes from the person we used to be! Change is good and healthy, but it can cause friends to naturally drift. If you notice this happening, it’s a good opportunity to review your friendships, take stock of what’s keeping you close and adjust if necessary.
Maybe you picked up pottery while at uni, but your childhood BFF doesn’t share that hobby with you and isn’t interested in trying it out. You can still maintain an intimate friendship with them while making new, closer friends that you spend time time with in the pottery studio! Eventually, how you both choose to spend and prioritise your time may change, and you may naturally grow apart. That’s okay :)
Friendships have life cycles too, and many don’t last forever!
Myth 3: BFFs Can Read Your Mind
We think:
BFFs can have the expectation that because they know each other so well, they shouldn’t have to communicate their needs or wants because their friend should already understand them. This can lead to resentment and unmanaged expectations. Sometimes, you may even feel pressure to keep issues in the friendship to yourself for the sake of keeping up the appearance of a ‘perfect’ friendship.
No matter how close you are, remember to express your feelings and actively listen to your friends. Communication is key!
So, is it healthy to have one BFF?
The answer depends on you!
If you already have a friend who is closest to you, be sure to nurture that friendship well - but don’t neglect the other pals in your life. Be willing to adapt as you grow, communicate openly and manage your expectations of each other!
If you don’t have a BFF, don’t worry. It’s just as valid to have a variety of good friendships. We discover different facets of ourselves as we go through life! It’s normal to form strong relationships with different people that reflect these.
It's natural to have one or two closer friends in life, but remember to encourage healthy discourse and manage expectations with your besties. If an issue arises, talk about it instead of letting it escalate. Be willing to give and take, and compromise when it's necessary. Just remember not to limit yourself! People are diverse and interesting, and you never know what kind of perspective different friends can bring. Just make sure to keep communicating and commit to growing together with empathy and openness.
Psst…if you’d like to take the first step in meeting some new friends, why not sign up for a Friendzone event when we come to your ‘hood? Follow us on socials for updates, and check out our upcoming events here!
You never know, your new bestie could be right around the corner…