How to Deal with Rejection

Rejection is a fact of life! All of us are bound to face this painful reality at some point in our lives as we form relationships with the people around us. Learning how to deal with rejection in a healthy way is a valuable life skill you can use in all facets of your life — personal, romantic and professional.

What is rejection?

Rejection can be loosely defined as the act of being “pushed away” by someone or something. You may face rejection from family, friends, a romantic partner, or even in a professional setting. Rejection is also related to your expectations not being met - and the resulting emotions of this are often painful.

Types of Rejection

Rejection can occur in a variety of ways and could be outright or interpreted. In most cases, it refers to the feeling of shame, sadness or anger that people feel when they are not accepted by others. Rejection can also result from life events that do not involve relationships. Check out these examples of different types of rejection!

In other words, rejection can be experienced on a large scale or in small ways in everyday life. While rejection is part and parcel of life, some types of rejection may be more difficult to cope with than others because of how much the outcome means to you. Thus, the magnitude of rejection differs from person to person and situation to situation!

Why does it hurt to be rejected?

Being turned down by a job, a friend, or a potential romantic partner is painful. Also known as rejection trauma, the pain that you feel is genuine. The area of your brain that activates when you’re in physical pain (like a nasty paper cut) also activates when you’re experiencing the hurt of rejection.

As social creatures, we desire to connect and form bonds with others. When we face rejection, this need for acceptance and belonging takes a hit, causing anxiety and self-doubt.

You’re not emotional or weak for feeling these emotions - it’s quite simply biology! While your emotional reaction to being rejected is out of your control, your response to the situation is. You can look at it in a positive manner and learn something from the experience!

So…how can we deal with it?

Like the idiom ‘once bitten, twice shy’, it may be easy to decide that we would rather not risk rejection and avoid it at all costs. However, this also means not taking the brave step that could be the difference between us pursuing our career aspirations, finding lifelong friendships or meeting THE ONE. We know that rejection can be discouraging, but learning how to cope can help you build resilience and move forward.

1) Acknowledge the rejection and process your emotions 💭

One of the worst things you can do is to deny that it happened — and that it hurts. Pretending it doesn’t matter will only make it more painful for yourself. Acknowledge that rejection.

Try to understand how you feel — angry, disappointed, upset? These are all valid feelings! Taking some time off to process your feelings keeps you from making any rash decisions that can cause harm to yourself or others.

2) Treat yourself with kindness and create a nurturing environment for you to heal 🌱

It’s OK to wrap yourself up in your blanket and wallow for a little while when dealing with rejection. Use the time to take care of your well-being and soon you will feel much more stable in your emotions. Remember to not beat yourself up or overthink the situation, it won't help you feel any better. Instead, talk to a friend or family member, watch your favourite shows and eat comfort foods!

Surrounding yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, and mentors can help you stay positive, motivated and cared for. Share your experiences with them and seek their encouragement and guidance.

Remember to take care of both your physical and mental health. Taking up exercising or a new hobby may help to keep you occupied and obsess less over the rejection! Ask your friends to exercise and explore these hobbies with you —having a buddy will make sticking to these new habits easier!

3) Reflect on pass rejections - and realise it’s not the end!

As mentioned before, rejection is part and parcel of life. You would have come face to face with more than one rejection in your lifetime! Reflecting on past rejections may help realise that it’s not all that bad.

Think about how rejections have actually opened the doors to new opportunities or pathways for you. Did you get rejected from one job but got a better one in the end? Reflecting on past rejections can give you hope for the future—that this closed door means there’s something better in store for you!

4) Don’t allow rejection to define you ✨

Your first reaction to rejection might be to wonder if something is wrong with you, but try to reframe this mindset. While rejections can sometimes be personal, it’s never about your worth. Reframing the rejection can help you to remember your value and that at the end of the day, you cannot please everyone!

Some ways you can reframe your initial thoughts include:

• If you ask someone out and they say no, don’t think “They rejected me” but “I might just not be their type, and that's okay!”

• If you aren’t hearing back from a friend, you can always re-frame by telling yourself, “We just grew apart. It happens!”

• If you didn’t get that job you had your eye on, just re-frame and shake it off with a comment like, “We had different priorities—onto greener pastures!”

Make it a positive learning experience 💡

Reframing and seeing the rejection as a positive experience or learning opportunity is another way to make the most of an unpleasant situation.

Learning from rejection can look like:

• If you were given a reason as to why someone wouldn’t date you, you can decide if the quality is something you think you should possess and improve on, or perhaps that you two were just incompatible.

• If you missed out on any red flags in your friendship, take note of them and use it to shape your future relationships!

• If you were rejected from a job opportunity try and seek constructive feedback on areas that you can improve on — but don’t hassle them!

So…what’s next?

The pain of rejection can be a real emotional bruise. Your confidence and self-worth may feel undermined and you may need some time to build it back up. Being aware of your self-worth can help you process and bounce back from rejection better. Inherently, you can move forward with confidence knowing that at least one person appreciates your qualities, and that person is you!

Having confidence and a healthy sense of self-worth doesn’t mean that rejection won’t stink — but If you face it, you know it’ll be alright