The Friendship Guide with Grace - Q1
Were you scared of speaking to strangers? How did you get over that fear?
Yes! But why do you ask in the past tense? I still get nervous when I speak to new people! Especially people I admire, are seemingly accomplished or are doing things I find really cool. A helpful way to overcome this is to…
Ask yourself why you’re afraid of talking to others.
Is it because…
You don’t know how they’ll respond?
Well, that’s true. You can’t control how someone reacts or responds to you, but you can play your part in engaging the person with warmth, helping the person you’re meeting feel at ease by lightening the mood or by being welcoming. Remember, warmth breeds warmth. Being friendly disarms and endears someone new.You think they’re very ‘zai’ (pro or amazing)/you are intimidated.
And thus you feel sm0l and unqualified as if you have no value to offer them. One thing that helps in getting over the intimidation of talking to others is valuing yourself. I.e. knowing and believing you’re an interesting person who has something to offer the other person too — be it perspective, experience, networks or skills. Everyone goes through life differently and thus has unique assets to offer. Assets refer to all dimensions of you — your experiences, skills, talents and thoughts. Valuing yourself and knowing you have something unique to offer the person you’re meeting gives the courage in engaging with someone new, no matter how ‘zai’ they may be.You’re shy/don’t know what to say/how to get started.
You lack confidence and are afraid of what others might think. You’re afraid of saying the wrong things or feel like socialising doesn’t come naturally to you.Conversation is a skill that you can learn :) Start by saying hello and asking a question out of curiosity or on a topic of interest (“What inspired you to start dancing?”) or a topic surrounding the context of your meeting (“How did you hear about this event?”) or something about the person themselves (“What’s something surprising that happened to you this week?”). For more examples of conversation starters, check out Friendzone’s conversation starter pack here!
Reminding yourself of what you’ll potentially gain from the conversation (e.g. a new perspective, a wider worldview, increased empathy) will help you overcome the fear of speaking to someone new. Be authentic and genuine in your interactions and questions, but don’t be rude or invasive!